Biblical Humor

Here's a little something to make you smile. I received it in my email and thought I'd share.

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a
little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph
was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles
were all in one Accord.

Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden ?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Middle East was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan . The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. ( Groan.)

PS... Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . 'He-brews'

KEEP SMILING!!!! GOD LOVES YOU BUNCHES AND BUNCHES!!!!
Friends are God's way of taking care of us.

Trust in HIM!

I trust in God! I have faith and I believe in Him!

When it comes to my finances, my faith is the strongest.

When things such as the well being of my family or struggles in my marriage, I am weak.

He knows this about me.

So I pray.

Last night I was in the midst of this struggle in my marriage. Normally I would go to my room to escape it. I would turn on the tv and maybe say a pray...or two in my head. I never put my whole being in His presence. I don't always rely on Him 100% of my time in these trials. He waits patiently for me as I continue to try and control my own situation and find my own way out.

However, last night was different. I went to my room and turned on the tv. I sat there while the words and anguish were attacking my being. I just wanted to escape but I couldn't. I decided to grab and open my Bible, then I said a prayer. I asked the Lord to help me in my situation. I asked that He take this pain away that I have been living with for 18 yrs. I asked that He show me a scripture that he wants me to see. Speak to me Lord!

And He did...

Psalm 43

1 Vindicate me, my God, and plead my cause against an unfaithful nation. Rescue me from those who are deceitful and wicked.

2 You are God my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?

3 Send me your light and your faithful care, let them lead me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell.

4 Then I will go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God.

5 Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

~~~

God speaks to us...we just need to listen.

God wants to help us.....we just need to ask.

God wants to take control....we just need to stop resisting.

Trust in HIM!

HE is the only one Lord!

I must say, I am offended. Not for just myself but for our Heavenly Father.

Let me explain...

I'm hear at work and I was talking to my boss about work related issues. I had just gotten off the phone with my boss' dad who happens to be a client, and my boss asked me if his dad had started cursing yet and I said "no, he just said the Lord's name in vain though". I have shared with my boss that I don't like it when people use the Lord's name in vain. In fact, I've said that to him a few times because he himself has said it. It's disrespectful and it offends me.

Well, after I told him "no, he just said the Lord's name in vain though" he corrects me by saying "Your Lord. Not 'THE Lord', your Lord". He goes on to say that he doesn't have a Lord.

I'm not offended because he corrected me and I got defensive for being corrected. I'm offended because God is being disregarded. At what point should I continue to correct my boss? I don't want to get fired but I feel I need to stand up for my beliefs. Is this a situation I should keep hush or will God be dissappointed in me for doing so?



It bothers to think that here, Jesus died on the cross for each and every one of us and there are people out there that don't believe and completely disregard him or speaks blasphemy. It hurts and saddens me. It really does.

When is it enough for us to finally stand up (in a loving way) for what we believe in and not worry if we are offending others. I understand people have their own beliefs but so do we. Everyone else in this country doesn't seem to worry about sharing their beliefs so why should we!

So again....at what point should I continue to correct my boss?

In One Year....

This year I have vowed to myself....and to God to take a more productive role in my Christianity and to conquer something that I've wanted to do but was afraid to do. Which is to read the Bible in a year.

I have always had King James Versions of the Bible and have always struggled with the language. All the "thous" and "shalt" and different words that we just don't use in every day current language, so I've avoided reading it. In fact, I would try and read it initially but I would get bored. My eyes would just glaze over the words and then get frustrated and just put it down.

This past Christmas, my mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I asked for something at the local Bible book store. I asked for a parallel bible. Something that I could read but also reference back to the original Kings James Version. The idea of have two books open at once is too frustrating to me and I thought how cool the parallel Bible is so I asked for the one with the New Living Translation. My brother has many Bibles and I compared and read a few scriptures from a couple of his and I liked the NIV so I asked for that one in the parallel version. What a difference it has made too!

I started reading the NIV version. I feel that if I take baby steps and first read that version first, that it will be easier the next time around when I decide to read the Kings James Version.

I started reading the Bible in January. I have a guide as to what chapters to read each day. At first I slacked off and ended up being way behind...something like 15 days behind but over the last few days I have really started to close the gap. From reading 15 chapters last week, 12 chapters Monday, and 7 chapters yesterday and so on, I am now only 10 chapters behind. I should be caught up here in the next day or two. I am really excited too!

The one thing I have found that I'm getting out of this experience is....it truly is bringing me closer to God. I feel it! I'm always thinking about Him, more and more. More than I ever had and I feel I'm becoming more the Christian God intended me to be.

Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments. I'm human. However, I am working toward to having that relationship I long to have which will become a domino effect which is what I so greatly hope for. Hopefully I will be the one to plant a seed in others so that they may have a relationship with God, just as I'm finally working towards for myself!

I feel blessed and so grateful to have Him in my life! What a great blessing!

S.O.A.P.

{via}

Every Wednesday I go to Bible study at my church. I had never gone before so I wasn't sure what to expect.

I was nervous but because my brother was there, I quickly got over that.

Each week we are assigned a S.O.A.P. to do. It's where we take a scripture, any scripture and more or less, dissect it to understand it better.

I have a hard time reading the Bible because it's so hard for me to understand. I sometimes just get lost while reading it that by the time I'm done reading a chapter, I have no clue what I just read cause it's just so hard for me to follow.

So with this weekly assignment, I feel this helps me grasp God's word, little by little so that I don't overwhelm myself.

It's helping me and perhaps it can be a tool that would be helpful for others in avoiding spiritual dryness, per se. A method for daily devotions.

I hope you find it as helpful as I have!


S - Scripture - First relax. Be still. Be quiet. Slow down and prepare your heart. Pick a book and start at the beginning of a chapter in the Bible and read until you feel God has told you something. Then stop and think about it. This might be a passage that “makes you go, hmmm.” I usually read until God speaks to me. If He doesn’t speak in one chapter, I just keep reading. That’s ok. It’s not how much you cover, but what does God say to you? You want to write the Scripture down in your journal.


O - Observation – Be a detective. Are there certain words that are repeated? What does the verse previous and after your selected Scripture say? Who wrote the particular book that you are reading? Who was the audience? What is being said? What is emphasized? You want to write your observations down in your journal.

A - Application – How can you apply the Scripture to your life? What did it mean to the original hearers? What is the underlying timeless principle? Where or how could you practice that principle today? After you’ve discovered the principle, then you want to write out a sentence that describes a project or action you’ll take to apply the truth.

P – Prayer – Conclude your devotion time by talking to God about what He has shown you and making your requests know to Him. Ask God to help you with applying your application statement to your life on a daily basis.

A Whirlwind of a Year

I would have to say that this has probably been the most stressful year for us as of yet.

From two major events in our life (one not completely over however, today has just officially made it official). Making something officially official is big and not always in a good sense. However, we are taking life in strides and looking at things in a positive manner. In fact, things are going to be okay. Perhaps even better now!

We have each other.

We also have the good Lord who has seen us through our trials and helped us through them and made us wiser and stronger because of them.

What keeps you grounded?

Perspective...

I never like to put things on my car like stickers or anything. I just feel it makes a car not look nice, especially over time, that sticker soon fades.



I have thought about and liked the idea of getting one of the "NOTW" stickers or a Christian fish or saying to put on the window or as a license plate frame but never wanted to look like a hypocrite to others when I have a "bad" or "angry"moment and falter while driving.



Then I got to thinking yesterday while I was driving home from work.

Shouldn't it be God that I'm worried about looking like a hypocrite to? If anyone is gonna see when I falter, it's God. Whether or not I have a sticker on my car or not, I can't hide from Him.

It made me realize, I shouldn't care what other people think when I have these "bad" moments. I need to worry about God seeing me act like this.



I have been a lot better these days. I've learned to "chill" while driving which is why I started thinking "Maybe it's time since I'm behaving myself". It also made me think that my priorities weren't where they should have been either.