Thursday, August 13, 2009

My Quest Continues

In my quest to become closer to Jesus, I have been taking baby steps. Whether it be to try and read a chapter out of the Bible a day or pray more every day. I know these steps are very important if I want God to know I am serious and that I DO want to grow more, learn more and to learn to love him like true Christians do.

I am someone that doesn't like to be told what to do though. I have always had someone telling me what to do through out my life and I am at a point in my life where I feel "enough is enough". I'm a grown woman (okay, that sounds weird for me to call myself a woman, but I am.) and I can make my own decisions. Now, when my mom talks to me about getting closer to God, she tells me I need to do this or I need to do that. That's great information but at the same time, it sounds like nagging to me. Then I start to tune it out and all I hear is "blah, blah, blah". Really. I don't want to feel like that and I know she doesn't mean to sound that way because I know she is worried for me, as is my brother. I'm trying though. I need time and it has to be because I'm ready, not because she wants me to be ready.

I do feel like I am making a positive change, slowly of course. A month ago my mom came to me and said that she had been wanting to ask me something. Something her and my brother were talking about. Bible study, there at her house. Would I be interested? I thought, "sure, why not". I mean, she said that the only way to grow is to open myself to more opportunities like this. I won't grow if I just go to church each Sunday and that's it. Good point! So now, for the past three weeks, I have met my mom, brother and sister-in-law over at my parent's house for Bible study. To be honest, I actually enjoy it. We talk about issues we may have at the time or questions. I feel this is a good thing for me too!

Another thing is, my mom and I have started going to a new church. How we heard of it is we know the Pastor from our other church we had previously been attending. This Pastor was someone who worked within the church. Was kind of a substitute Pastor but things didn't work out so he found his new home at this new church we have started going to. It's a wonderful church. Very old school which I love. Small congregation. Each Sunday morning when I'm there, I get this homey, country feeling. You know when your watching a movie that is centered around a small town with farms and everyone knows everyone. Kind of like the movie "Man in the moon" with Reese Witherspoon. That is the feeling I get when I'm there. I just love it so much!

Well, for the past few weeks they have been announcing that they will be having a membership class for anyone that would like to become a member of the church. This was something that I thought would be good for me but it meant me stepping out of my comfort zone. I mean, I had never become a member of any church. However, I feel good about this church and my mom asked if I would like to sign up with her and I had doubts. Questioning myself about what would go on in this membership class. Would I have to get up in front of everyone, which always makes me nervous to do, or kind of making excuses to myself such as whether or not I had plans that weekend thinking the class was on a Saturday. Then I noticed it was on a Sunday, an hour before service. Something came over me and I did it. I was nervous but I went ahead and stepped out of my comfort zone and signed up. That will be this weekend. I can't wait!

So, I am making progress. I'm still continuing to grow and enjoying life but also trying to let go of the steering wheel and trusting Jesus to take over for me.