Friday, October 16, 2009

My Purpose, God's Plan

It finally hit me.

It's been on my mind a lot lately, the constant "Why me?" and "What did I do to deserve this?"

My husband and I are having issues in our marriage right now and have off and on for the last 16 yrs. Things that shouldn't even be an issue and that has nothing to do with our marriage or relationship, except my husband has made it an issue. With all the things that are said, I feel like I'm being broken down. It hurts and sometimes it just seems like too much to overcome.

You see, I've always had God in my life. I derailed a period of my life but I'm back on track and still growing. My husband was raised in a non-strict Mormon home. He has his many questions and gets frustrated with people who "preach" yet "picks and chooses" from the Bible what fits in their lifestyle and not being true Christians yet hypocrites. So he is guarded. However, in March he did come to accept Jesus Christ to be his Saviour, but he's still guarded and not following God's word.

Now that I have started listening to KLOVE full-time, my husband actually enjoys the music. He is someone like me who likes heavy metal such as the likes of Marilyn Manson, Rob Zombie and Slipknot and listens to it all the time still so it's encouraging to see that he likes KLOVE and the Christian music they play. It's also encouraging to see there are little changes in him.

However, we still have the main issue at hand. His issue with me which is a daily struggle for me. Right now he isn't giving me kisses that I'm so used to getting upon going to work, coming home from work or even going to bed. Nothing! Everything else though is normal, just the lack of my daily kiss. This is a daily struggle I'm facing as it has been just over 2 weeks. I'm afraid this is going to get too comfortable and then they'll be gone forever. I'm afraid this will become the new "normal". I can't live like this.

Then it hit me.

I was driving to work this morning and heard the song "Wait and See" by Brandon Heath and it all fell into place. God is using me to get my husband to get closer to him. I started to think that what I have been enduring the last 16 yrs can't possible come close to what Jesus did for us. I have accepted that and if this is what I have to endure to get my husband to come to Jesus and start going to church, then I can accept it. This is God's plan. It hurts and I'm struggling but I will just continue to pray for his guidance and strength to get me through this.