Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Analyzing Myself

So, it's been a week and a half since I wanted to make changes to my life. It's been very trying too, I must say. In this time, I have noticed a few things about myself that need some changing. I know that it won't be an overnight process, but I will continue to work on them. Here they are....

  • I curse way too much. I noticed that when I get mad is when the words start to pour out of me. I need to try and use alternative words. It's just that when I'm mad, what comes out of my mouth is how I'm feeling at the time. I will be working on eliminating this.
  • I let things get to me way too easy. I guess you can say they are little petty things. It may have something to do with the person that is saying it also. If I have issues with someone, it may bother me more than if it were someone that I don't have issues with.
  • My music I listen to. I listen to rock which some may be inappropriate. I also love smooth jazz and I've found myself listening to my smooth jazz more lately cause I know it's good music and it pleases God more when I listen to it rather than the rock.
  • I have a lack of patience. Now, I'm gonna be honest here. My mom has told me to pray for patience. With that may come some pretty trying times to teach me to have patience. I'm too nervous to ask for it cause I'm afraid that I won't be able to handle the testing moments. I've actually said to myself that I would rather deal with my lack of patience if the lesson were to be too great in order to earn it. I know, I need to have faith in God to guide me. I do have faith, I just notice sometimes I get too scared with certain things. I'm still working on it.
  • I love to watch scary movies and spooky shows. I don't think God would appreciate it that I watch these sorts of things though. Also, my husband even said the other day that he thought he saw a ghost in the house. This stuff is "not of this world" but is interesting. Like I want to see something for myself but at the same time, I don't want to get caught up in all that cause it's evil and I know I need to stay away.
  • I get frustrated with my husband. He has issues with religions so he'll say things that I feel are disrespectful of my feelings but at the same time, I feel he wants to learn and know. I feel I'm being tested when he says these things, and not by him. Like he'll tell me that the lights go out and that's it when we die. I think deep down he doesn't believe that but I don't know. I told him that if I'm right and there is a God, I have nothing to loose but he does. I just need to continue to pray for him.
  • Praying is one of my weaknesses. I have a hard time remembering to pray, as I do everything else for that matter :o) I tell people that when they have problems or concerns that I will keep them in my prayers. I need to get myself a journal to write down these prayer request so that I can keep my word. I don't want to say I'll do something and then forget. I just need to learn to pray all the time. This is something I really need to work on.

The way I look at it is, this is the first step. I'm acknowledging these areas that need to be worked on. I know I can't make a change overnight. I know this will take some time. It's gonna be hard and I know that but I will have faith in God that he will guide me. :o)

I just found this scripture from another blog and i absolutely PERFECT for me right now!!

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

Sunday, October 12, 2008

The Tests Begin...

When I decided to make this important change in my life, I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but boy it doesn't take long for me to be tested! As soon as my decision was made, I felt that not much sooner, maybe a day later did I feel that everything in my way has tried to irritate me or challenge my feelings.

Lets take my daughter for instance. Mind you, I made my decision on Friday. This whole weekend my daughter has not listened to me, nor my husband. She has been relentless about having "a friend" to play with, with the whole sad face or even having guest over the house. I've been sick and I just haven't been wanting to "play". I'm the type of mommy that would rather color or rent family videos or make cookies. I don't want to play grocery store or Barbies. As a child I liked to but now I don't. Then she has been constantly whining all weekend. I can't stand the whining. I had a dog that whined, I don't need my child doing it too! I've been having to reprimand her way too much this weekend and this is abnormal for her.

Then I get a call today that just added stress between my husband and I. We discussed it, try to figure a way to handle it but it took a good half hour to get things to calm down. The stress in my chest is just suffocating.

I know God is proud of me for wanting to make changes in my life to better my ways. I knew it wasn't going to be easy either. Even when I went to church today, the sermon was on John 5:19-20. It basically spoke to me. It was as if God was speaking through my Pastor acknowledging me to let me know that I'm doing the right thing. I'm glad I went today. I needed to. I even woke up late but I got out of bed without hesitation. Sabrina even wanted to go which makes me proud of her. This is what I want for her, to know God and that He loves her.

This is just the start of many test but I will continue on and just pray that I get through this.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

My wake up call...

This video is powerful, it's what woke me up and made me realize I'm not who God wants me to be and that I need to make some changes in my life to be a better Christian so I CAN call myself a Christian!

My Mission

I have always considered myself a Christian. When I was a young child, I even went to a Christian school. I went to church with my mom every Sunday. I've even been saved and baptised twice. I'm a Christian, right?

A couple days ago my brother wanted to show me something. A video of a pastor who was trying to tell us all something. Whether we call ourselves a Christian, it doesn't actually mean we are living the life the Lord wants us to. I got it. I understood. It spoke to me. It, well.....scared me! I'm not living the life I should. I'm not being a genuine Christian.

I always have faith in God! I know he will always take care of my family and I. I pray, not as much as I should, but when I do, He answers! I know he sees me and knows I'm a work in progress. I'm trying and I ask for him to help me. I need him to take a hold of my life so that I can walk in his ways.

My main issue is, not just myself but my husband. He grew up in a Mormon home as a child. Not a strict Mormon home, by any means but he was baptised Mormon. He however, does not believe in their beliefs but he now is a work in progress for me. He has issues with all religions and it makes it hard for me when I try to get him to open his mind and heart. I pray for him as does my mom, dad and brother.

I also have a young child. I'm not so worried about her.....right now anyway. I talk to her about the Lord. She understands and loves him. I know she does and I know it's genuine. I just need to keep her from being deceived. I know that will be hard but I am on a mission. A mission to saving myself and my family from being left behind!

So this is my journey, my trials and tribulations in finding my faith in the Lord.